Halong Have You Got?

J-Dizzle, Amanda and I were fairly exhausted after the trip to Sapa. This may have been due to the arduous amounts of hiking that we had completed but more likely to do with the inevitable lull from our pizza comedown. J-Dizzle had also caught a rather nasty fever, possibly from sleeping in close proximity to Tom at the Homestay, which concerned us as our tour to Halong Bay was scheduled in for the following day. Once we had seen the expanding throws of travelers from our Hanoi Hostel shimmying down the stairs from the rooftop bar, complete with rainbow straw sombreros and chanting their excitement for the Halong Bay party cruise, we realised that we may have made a mistake in our initial booking.

We had all journeyed from far corners of the globe to view sites that we would never forget, not just to follow the crowds to the depths of paralytic intoxication and limbo dancing (though I must concede, I'm a mean limboer, next time I see you I'll be sure to demonstrate). A medical student, Sara, from North Carolina / Chicago, overheard our discussions on taking an alternative trip and with her own mind made up on making an independent visit to Cat Ba Island, by Halong Bay, she convinced us that this was the way to go.

We had no preparation whatsoever as to how to overcome the 170 km roads to Cat Ba Island, but with Sara having done her homework, we followed her awkwardly to the public bus station at dawn and plunged into the adventure and excitement of not really knowing what we were doing. The bus was rickety and the horn emitted from it's tinny belly was primal and constant. On arriving at the Island, after a further shuttle bus and low riding ferry, we scanned the main road for accommodation. The first hotel we looked at was unusual and kept a seedy secret from the rest of the resort. The Manageress's name was Bich The (seriously) which should have rung alarm bells already. We were in raptures once we viewed the soft 80's erotica that decorated the corridors and each of the rooms, along with the mirrored ceilings above the tarnished beds. This was a motel of the lowest order. Despite my protestations, the group opted not to lodge there.

Vibe? Out.

J-Dizzle just about recovered from his man-flu the next morning, enabling him to climb aboard our swaying Junk. The cruise over the tranquil bay was exquisite in its serenity and once we hopped on to our kayaks, we were able to fully appreciate the thousands of astonishing silver dagger like limestone karsts, rising impressively out of the turquoise waters. As we floated through caves and low archways to what seemed to be undiscovered lagoons it was difficult not to feel as if we were all in a distant land before civilisation had tied it's withered noose around the environment. It was easy to see why the Vietnamese romanticised about this emerald kingdom, trusting in the myth that the Gods implored a fleet of dragons to defend the land against the Chinese by expelling jade jewels onto the sea, which in time became the islands and islets that we saw heroically before us.

The tour party, joined also by Pepe; fascinating and bearded, from Granada in Spain and two jovial Afghanistan War veterans from Boston, spent the afternoon in the disjointed sunshine diving in the cool fresh waters. My American friends dreamed up a horror movie based on our sailing trip, to amuse the hours on board. Apparently in this film, as a minority individual I would have to be killed off in the early stages to meet the financiers checklist. I was sure I had much to offer in this B-list drama, especially after my subtle turn as the lead in Zorro.

Back in Hanoi, for my last few days before I fly out to Hong Kong. I've spent this time wisely, having made friends with a trouble maker from County Durham. We conducted wonderful pranks on our dorm room-mates which involved fake letters from the Manager of the Hostel, querying their anti-social behaviour and requesting an urgent meeting with all the staff. It worked like a treat, and the look on a young Dutch girls face when she read the letter on top of her pyjamas and teddy bear was a delight. She almost had tears in her eyes before reception told her that it was a joke. How I miss Sixth Form.

As I arrived at Hanoi Airport, I was greeted on board my flight to Hong Kong by none other than my favourite French-Canadian family, who sat on the row behind. I buried my head deep in the advertisement rich in-flight magazine and thanked my lucky stars that this was not an overnight flight.

Hanoi Song of the Day: Vanessa Paradis - Joe Le Taxi
It's not a sin to feast on an ice-cream sundae on your own and my enjoyment of a large 'Thunder' caramel and vanilla explosion at Fanny's in Hanoi was of the highest order. This was the only song I recognised from the dated stereo and is a shout out to Johnny Depp, a firm friend and hero of mine.

i-Pod Song of the Day: Bombay Bicycle Club - Magnet
The name of the band was taken from their favourite Indian take-away in London, and interestingly enough it was also my favourite (and Gordon Ramsey's). This song is taken from the 'I Had the Blues but I Shook Them Loose' album which I've not heard, but I like the two singles from it.

Order a curry: www.thebombaybicycleclub.co.uk

Listen to some music: www.bombaybicycleclubmusic.com